I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
