im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
