There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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