and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
