Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
