You work out of a Hotel?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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