Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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