i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
