He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
