I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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