I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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