I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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