my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
