nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
