Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize