they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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