Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
