I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
