is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
