Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
