so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize