from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
