we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
how does that bad decision feel?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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