you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
