She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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