Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
