I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
