her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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