And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
