I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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