I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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