I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
