I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize