first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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