i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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