just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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