He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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