...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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