they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
