Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
