is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
