why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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