I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize