You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
