Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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