There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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