Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
