the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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