I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
