She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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