Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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