i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
do nipples grow back?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
