How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
