someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
