Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
