so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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