whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
