I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
