Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
