I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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