As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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