it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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