i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
