When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
