also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
