Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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